The First Sermon

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The First Sermon

The new priest at the fist mass was so nervous he could hardly talk. Before his second sermon at the pulpit, he asked the minister how he could relax. The minister said, " next week it might help if you put martinis in the water pitcher, after a few sips everything should go smoothly ".
The next week, the young priest put the elder's suggestion into practice and really talked up a storm. After the sermon, he asked the minister how he had done. The minister replied " fine, but there are a few things you should learn before you speak to the congregation again!
NEXT TIME.........
1. Sip the martinis - don't gulp them.
2. There are 10 commandments - not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples - not 10.
4. David slew Goliath - He did not kick the shit out of him.
5. We do not refer to our savior Jesus Christ and disciples as the " late J.C. and his boys ".
6. Next Sunday there is a taffy - pulling contest at St. Peters - not a peter - pulling contest at St. Taffys.
7. We do not refer to the cross as the big T.
8. The Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost are not referred to as " Big Daddy, Jr. and the spook ".

9. And last but not least, it is " Virgin Mary " - not " Mary with the cherry ".