-
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
-
Time is what keeps everthing from happening at once.
-
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public school.
-
All Generalizations Are False.
-
Very funny Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
-
Out of my mind. Be back in a few minutes.
-
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
-
Sometimes I wake up grumpy.
Other times I let her sleep.
-
Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
-
Humpty Dumpty Was Pushed!
-
Women who seek to be equel to men lack ambition.
-
Real women don't have hot flashes.
They have power surges!
-
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
-
Montana - At least our cows are sane.
-
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
-
Horn broken, watch for finger.
-
All men are idiots...I married their King.
-
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who
don't.
-
We've got enough youth.
How about a fountain of SMART!
-
Everyone has a photographic memory:
Some just don't have film.
-
When the chips are down...the buffalo is empty.
-
Insanity is hereditary...
Our kids make us that way.
-
I have P.M.S. and a gun!
-
Seen it all - Done it all -
Can't remember most of it.
-
Different things vary.
-
We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get
worse.
-
Few women admit their age. Fewer men act it.
-
Warning: Dates in calender are closer than they
appear.
-
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone
else.
-
Consiousness: That annoying time between naps.
-
So many pedestrians...So little time.
-
Caution: In case of Rapture, this car will be unmanned!
-
Lead me not into temptation. I can find it on my own.
-
Time is the best teacher. Unfortunately it kills all the students.
-
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
-
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
-
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off
Now!
-
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better
idiot.
-
I took an IQ test and it came out negative.
-
Change is inevitable. Except from a vending
machine.
-
Help wanted telepath: You know where to apply.
-
I.R.S. We've got what it takes to take what you've
got.
-
Jesus loves you...everyone else thinks you're an
asshole.
-
I'm just driving this way to piss you off.
-
If you don't like the way I drive, get off the
sidewalk.
-
I love cats...they taste just like chicken.
-
Where are we going? And why are we in this hand
basket?
-
I want to be like Barbie, that Bitch has everything.
-
Keep honking, I'm reloading.
-
Hang up and drive.
-
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
-
Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
-
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
-
Just because I have a short attention span doesn't mean....
-
When all else fails, manipulate the data.
-
Speak softly, and wear a loud shirt
-
Young at Heart. Slightly Older in Other Places.
-
Work is the curse of the drinking class.
-
Do unto others, then run.
-
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
-
Life is God's way of preserving meat.
-
Trespassers will be violated.
-
No electrons were harmed in the creation of this message.
-
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.
-
The weather is here, I wish you were beautiful.
-
I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.
-
Laugh at your problems, everyone else does.
-
According to my best recollection,I don't remember.
-
I think that I think,
therefore I think that I am.
-
The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
-
Never sleep with someone crazier than yourself.
-
Schizophrenia beats being alone.
-
They're only trying to make me look paranoid.
-
If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.
-
Yes, I'm fat, but your ugly and I can go on a diet.
-
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
-
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
-
CAUTION: I brake for no apparent reason.
-
Learn from your parent's mistakes...use birth control.
-
I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
-
Forget about World Peace...
Visualize using your turn signal.
-
Forget the Joneses. I keep up with the Simpsons.
-
Rehab is for quitters.
-
Jack Kervorkian for White House Physician.
-
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
-
IF you don't like the news, go out and make some.
-
Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
-
No radio- Already stolen.
-
According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
-
How can I miss you if you won't go away?
-
Reality? Is that where the pizza delivery guy comes from?
-
Get out of my way, my kid needs to pee!
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